Monday, August 20, 2012

Yellow Sky in Little Utopia

As the sky moves
flowers lean into the light

He said that once he loved a woman
in all her yellow hair
strangled me in passion free

He placed a string of yellow around my arm
and shared with me his penchant tongue
Our blood will soak into the sand, he cried

He held her smile and her rosy cheeks
and placed them on top of a pillow
wrapped his indulgence around my skin

possibilities slant with the tip of a branch
this mild distraction, quaint memory of Candace
his harmless notes, a mask of menace

The leaves have rearranged in this yellow sky
I move the light, shadows drawn
dark rain leaks from a star

Through winds at night she worshiped me, he tells
leaf-vein and artery loose, he pulls her air tight
Her breath drains free

The salt from her tears swelters in this tireless dream
tangled into the hallows of her withered scream
I know that she has turned yellow like me

Inspired by Shawna's Poetic Words list
Shared at dVerse Poets on Open Link Night

25 comments:

  1. "Through winds at night she worshiped me, he tells
    leaf-vein and artery loose, he pulls her air tight
    Her breath drains free"


    Excellent writing all but this especially gathered my attention.

    Nicely worded, Archna!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Immediately, I notice the effectiveness of your lack of punctuation in creating overlapping meaning:

    As the sky moves
    flowers lean into the light ... (He said that once)

    "He said that once he loved a woman
    in all her yellow hair
    strangled me in passion free" (strangled me, in passion---free OR strangled, me in passion---free OR strangled me, in passion, free ... I could go on)

    "He placed a string of yellow around my arm
    and shared with me his penchant tongue" ... Gorgeous (and hot). :)

    "placed them on top of a pillow
    wrapped his indulgence around my skin" ... Goodness. This sounds painful.

    "quaint memory of Candace
    his harmless notes, a mask of menace" ... It all depends on perspective, I suppose.

    "The leaves have rearranged in this yellow sky
    I move the light" ... Gorgeous. And you know, you can alter your own perspective---move the light, decide to control your thoughts, to forgive, to move forward.

    "dark rain leaks from a star" ... How can you keep making pain sound so amazing?!

    "Through winds at night she worshiped me" ... Why does he keep telling you this stuff?! He sounds terribly mean.

    "tangled into the hallows of her withered scream
    I know that she has turned yellow like me" ... Strong, powerful ending. Your weaving of "yellow" is so effective, like autumn leaves floating from line to line until at last they settle and you know for certain that winter is here and all is dead.

    What a miserable, hopeless situation. Heartbreaking, Archna. Thank you so much for writing. You make even (especially?) the worst heartache sound like magic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love following you as you unravel our pieces, there isn't a part that you miss. :) I think it's cruel and no light in it really. In those places, I like pretending that we can sway the light ourselves. Thanks so much for another awesome list, her last quote(that you chose) brought me here. ♥

      Delete
  3. I like your title as well. There is little utopia seen in this piece.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Awesome awesome awesome ... I have no words to describe it ... truly amazing !!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. The leaves have rearranged in this yellow sky
    I move the light, shadows drawn
    dark rain leaks from a star...dang fine imagery.....always love the little touches of magic in your posts....really tight closure as well...

    ReplyDelete
  6. A dream turning into nightmare. I writhed with the expressions used as though I too was there and unable to control the events and felt the jealous rage at his feckless love.

    ReplyDelete
  7. The opening lines are beautiful hues of a relationship that is overpowering and menacing ~

    I particularly love the last stanza ~ Well done ~

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wow = this is very dreamlike indeed - with that withering wake=up middream that one experiences when one sleeps on, and maybe there's real life too here. Very well-wrought. k.

    ReplyDelete
  9. So many poets dear to me writing 'yellow' today ... something in the air perhaps?

    Powerful, lovely, the essence ... 'dark rain weeps from a star' ... Ohhhhhhh

    ReplyDelete
  10. So many beautiful phrases in here, magical and mystical at times, a wonderful weave.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Beautiful imagery ... Magical !

    ReplyDelete
  12. Really excellent, and very painful to read--that piercing of the heart, being strung on a necklace of someone else's memories like a yellow bead--your use of color in this is just phenomenal.Surreal and too real both. Very fine writing.

    ReplyDelete
  13. As the sky moves
    flowers lean into the light....the whole poem has something shifting and surreal..carefully placed images and that bit of magic that makes me want more..nice

    ReplyDelete
  14. Your words weave so powerful imagery... ..its so good to read you.....

    ReplyDelete
  15. Haunting--you have moved the sky--playful, prophetic, and most definitely poetic

    ReplyDelete
  16. Well Well , I must say this is really amazing . The imagery is so fine that i can picture the whole muse through your words. Loved the started and a strong painful ending to the Heartache.
    And Congrats on your muse's selection for the Journal.

    //Divya

    www.divyasachdeva.blog.com

    ReplyDelete
  17. What a super-interesting poem. Quite mysterious in its yellow-haired one.

    Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I like how you utilized different aspects of yellow and used them to bind the piece together. Nicely done!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Beautiful! The last stanza is so haunting.

    ReplyDelete